allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
