somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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