Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize