i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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