So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
