If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
