i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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