The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
