Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
