I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
even my farts smell like vagina
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
