i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
