i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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