if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
is wine microwaveable?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
