I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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