woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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