To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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