Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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