just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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