apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
