I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize