a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
