we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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