What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
