He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
