he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
