end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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