just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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