So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
