There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
