I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
