It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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