I wish my penis had an off switch
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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