You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
