Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
