how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
