..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize