I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
