i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
50% drunk capacity currently
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
