I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
