Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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