i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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