bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
