His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize