life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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