someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
