i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
