His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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