It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
