i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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