god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
