I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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