dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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