i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
