What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize