Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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