some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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