420 ftw
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is Oprah even human
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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