The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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