You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
