my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
