Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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