Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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