so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
