So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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